Author: jsmith748

What is a white elephant gift?

On By jsmith748In UncategorizedLeave a comment

White elephant gift exchanges are particularly popular at Christmas parties. Where I’m from in the Midwest, we have played that game for years. After a little research, I’ve learned that “white elephant gift” doesn’t mean the same thing to everybody. Apparently, the original white elephant gift was something that was so expensive to maintain that the receiver couldn’t afford to keep it but couldn’t risk affronting the giver of the gift by disposing of it. Few of us are in a position to play a game with that sort of white elephant. In my experience, the gift was to be something that you have in your home or garage but don’t want any longer. The gift could not be something new. It might be an ugly Christmas sweater, or something that is still in good condition but not useful to you. In other parties I’ve attended, a spending limit was set for new gifts, usually a nominal amount. Gag gifts are also fun to include. If it’s an adult party, maybe edible underwear could be appropriate. At a party I attended recently, the gag gift was a Justin Beiber blow up doll. Since there were no pre-teen girls in the group, it was not in high demand but it was the focus of a lot of jokes. One time I brought a leg lamp like the one in the movie, “A Christmas Story”. Unfortunately, the person who got it had no idea what it represented. I guess the joke was on me. I offer this information to encourage anybody who wants to feature a white elephant gift exchange to define in advance what is appropriate. If a dollar limit is imposed for new gifts, please stay within the suggested amount to keep the game on an equal footing. The idea for the game is not to acquire something of particular value, but just to have fun.

Praise the Lord and Pass the Potatoes

On By jsmith748In UncategorizedLeave a comment

Now anybody who knows me or even who sees me will testify that I’m no stranger to food.   Most people take it for granted that we live in a dualistic universe.  Left/right, Up/down/Good/bad, On/off, Yin/Yang, “for every Jack there’s a Jenny (or Jimmy).  If you accept this premise, then it follows that cooks must have diners to keep the universe in balance.  That bring me to the crux of this little tale.  I HATE POTLUCKS!  There…I said it.  I can sense a disruption in the Force.

Potlucks are sacred.  Think about it.  What is the most famous Christian themed painting?  Don’t even suggest the Cistine Chapel.  First of all, that is fresco, not a painting.  Second, if that’s all Adam had to work with, there never would have been a Cain or Abel.  DaVinci’s The Last Supper is the obvious answer.

We don’t know for sure if the meal was catered or if everybody brought a covered dish or if they were eating at the Upper Room Bistro, but food plays an important role in the Judeo/Christian tradition.  So what brings me to the heretical statement, “I hate potlucks.”?  I thought you’d never ask!

Let me begin by saying that the traditional premise of a potluck is that everybody brings something that they’ve prepared.  A bucket of KFC, a bag of potato chips, a 2 liter bottle of soda don’t count.  So what happens is the cooks go to town and fix all sorts of amazing food.  The deadbeats bring a bag of Oreos or a corkscrew.  Somehow it doesn’t seem quite egalitarian.  Now if you are a widow and a mite is all you have, then I understand.  Come in.  Eat.  You are welcome. Go back for seconds. Now some will say that if the entree is provided, then it’s not a potluck,  but in my world, if my kitchen is somehow involved in my attending an event, it’s a potluck.

Now, back to my premise.  First, I already stated that in my binary universe, I’m an eater, not a cook.  Yes, I can cook.  I maintain that any fool can follow a recipe.  Just today I fixed a scrumptious Autumn pork roast with fall vegetables.  It was wonderful.  Did I enjoy eating it?  Absolutely!  Did I enjoy cooking it?  No.

Second, consider the preparation time.  There is one or possibly more trips to the grocery store.  All of that adds up.  It hardly takes any time to say, “potluck” but it takes hours to prepare one.   I’m retired and even I don’t have that kind of time!

Third, paper plates and plastic forks are adequate for supporting and shoveling food, but for tasting and enjoying the layers of flavors dancing on your palate, they are totally inadequate.  The quality of the food and the hard work that went into it’s preparation simply cannot be appreciated with such primitive tools.

Speaking of quality and taste brings me to my fourth point — transportation.  So the food is lovingly prepared at home.  Temperature, texture and presentation are all just perfect.  But then you have to schlep your concoctions all the way to wherever the gathering is.  It would take a miracle of the stature of parting the Red Sea to get that food to it’s destination intact and at the correct temperature.  With the sudden stops, turns and accelerations, part of the food ends up on the floor of the car with the balance disturbed beyond recognition in it’s container.

Cleanup is the next item under consideration.  Not only do you have your pots, pans, stove, oven, spoons, mixer, blender or whatever to clean up, but to add insult to injury, you also have the spills in the car to deal with.

Sixth, cost.  Why am I bringing $50 worth of food to a potluck when I can have a fine meal served to me in a nice restaurant for less.  Plus, no preparation, no clean up, no hassle.

Seven, self control.  Potlucks are diet busters.  Very bad for your health.  True, the KFC and the potato chips are easy to pass up, but all that homemade goodness is impossible to resist plus it would be an insult to the person who brought it if you didn’t at least have a taste.  Right?

Eight, the setting.  First there are the lines.  I hate standing in lines, but there we all are, queued up in breathless anticipation, salivating with rumbling stomachs wondering why some people take so long to make a choice.  You load up your plate because you don’t know what all the choices are and you don’t want to go hungry.  Better a biscuit in hand than an empty casserole dish in the bush.  Finally, you run the line and begin searching for a place to sit.  Do you sit with your little clique of friends, or try to make new friends while you chow down?  What if all the seat at a table are taken and you have to start a new table?  What if nobody wants to sit with you?  How humiliating!  And then there’s the noise.  Everybody talking at once.  Impossible to have a conversation without shouting.  Not good for the digestion.

Nine, the clean up.  First you help clear tables, stack chairs, gather trash, wash dishes, sweep the floor and restore order.  Then you go home and attack the kitchen that you hurriedly left in chaos some hours before.

 

Ten, you are worn out physically, emotionally and socially.  Now wasn’t that fun?  The good news is that there are only three more potlucks to go before the end of the year!

Thoughts on elections

On By jsmith748In electoral process, politicsLeave a comment

I am scandalized and ashamed by our electoral process.  Our democracy is sold out to special interest groups, corporations, Wall Street and wealthy donors.  Voter suppression laws and pending laws in Republican controlled states are shameful and prove that they are not interested in free, fair and honest elections.  I do not feel that the people are represented by our elected officials.  I have no training in political science, the social sciences or finance.  I feel that special interests groups, fear, ignorance, misinformation and outrage dominate public perception.  Candidates like Trump, Jindall and others appeal to the electorate’s emotions rather then to their reason.  They make scapegoats of the poor, elderly, immigrants and disenfranchised.  The more outrageous claims, the higher the ratings in the polls.  It’s as though the public has gone insane.  But we are all tired of the political posturing on both sides in Washington.  We are tired of gridlock in congress.  We are tired of being lied to, manipulated, discounted and dismissed.  Gone is civility.  Gone is the art of negotiating and compromise.  Gone is working toward the common good.  Now it’s dirty politics, dirty tricks, yellow journalism and personal attacks.  So few people even vote that no party or person can claim to have won a mandate by the people.  I may be naive, but here are some things that I believe should be done to improve our electoral process.

QUALIFICATIONS

1.  All aspirants must prove constitutionals eligibility,

2.  All aspirants must have a published platform of positions on a list of issues with concrete details for funding, strategy and implementation.  This must be made available to the public free upon request and online.

FUNDING

1.  Abolish all fundraising for political purposes and candidates.

2.  No self funding allowed.

3.  Each candidate receives the same fixed amount from the federal general fund paid in monthly installments beginning when he/she declares candidacy and passes the eligibility requirements.

4.  Money to be spent for travel, advertising, media, consultants, staff, events and other expenses and shall conform to IRS guidelines for business expenses.

5.  Strict monthly accounting and auditing would be required by an impartial firm to be selected by GAO or other agency.  Auditing results must be made available to the general public in a timely manner, not to be longer than 30 days in arrears.  Irregularities must be resolved promptly.  Infractions will result in reduction in funding.

CONGRESSIONAL DISTRICTS

1.  Redistrict all congressional districts by a formula by population and geography.

2.  Strict, regular boundaries.  No gerrymandering.

3.  District boundaries may not be adjusted on the basis of income levels, political persuasion, ethnic, ideological, racial, religious, gender identities.

VESTED INTERESTS

1.  Abolish all lobbyists and special interest groups at local, state and federal levels.

MEDIA

1.  All major television, radio and cable outlets must provide blocks of time free and equal to all viable candidates.  Viability to be defined by ad hoc committee made up of representatives from each media outlet.  They may write it off as a business expense.

2.  Additional media time may be purchases at the candidate’s discretion, but must be paid for out of their federal allotment subject to rules and audits as described above.

VOTING

1.  All U.S. citizens must register to vote unless their voting privileges have been revoked.

2.  Voters must be registered using the normal forms of identification that have been required for the past 50 years.  e.g. birth certificate, driver’s license, social security card, passport, ID card

3.  Voters may not be suppressed by imposing unreasonable requirements such as special ID’s.

4.  Registration must not discriminate against any citizen based upon age, income, race, political, ideological, philosophical or religious affiliation.

5.  If a citizen cannot register by reason of health, money or lack of transportation, provision must be made to accommodate them at State expense.

6.  Polling places shall be distributed evenly throughout all congressional districts.

7.  Polling places shall all keep the same hours, adjusted for time zone.

8.  Each voter will receive a $50 income tax deduction.  If the voter does not have sufficient income to require filing an income tax return, they shall receive a check for $50.