If you are guilty of something, follow these steps. First, don’t volunteer the information. Step 2: If you are accused, deny your guilt. Step 3: If there is a witness, continue to deny and then try to discredit the witness. Step 4: If that doesn’t work, then say that you were misunderstood, misquoted or quoted out of context. Step 5: If that fails, then point out that A: everybody else is doing it or B: somebody else is worse or C: divert attention by uncovering an even greater scandal. Step 6: gather your family around you, admit your guilt, ask for forgiveness and tearfully promise never to do it again. And as a last resort: Step Seven: Resign and disappear to write your memoirs and get rich on a book deal. Step Eight: Hit the lecture circuit and make even more money.

It goes all the way back to the Garden of Eden. God said, “I’ve given you a whole garden full of good things to eat. JUST DON’T TOUCH THE COOKIES! Next thing you know, Eve spies the cookie tree. They look yummy! But God said, “NO COOKIES!” Then the snake comes along and says, “That’s fake news! Eat the cookies. They are good for you! So she eats a cookie and all of a sudden, Adam is looking very desirable as well. Eve says, “Hey there big boy. Wanna have a cookie? They taste really good and after you eat one, you’re gonna get a really nice surprise!” She starts touching him and he begins to feel REALLY GOOD, so he eats a cookie. It tastes really good and Eve…”WOW! I never noticed before. We’re naked! Better go hide before God catches us.” That was a real buzz kill. So along comes God. They know that they are guilty. That’s why they are hiding. God says, “Why are you hiding?” “Cuz we’re naked.” “Who told you?” ” We ate the cookie and we found out that we were naked.” “Why did you eat the cookie? I told you not to.” “The snake made me eat it.” “Don’t you know better than to trust a talking snake?” “Adam, what’s your story?” “Well, that woman thing that YOU gave me, she made me eat the cookie and boy, howdy, that’s not ALL I discovered! But I wouldn’t na done it but when I saw her naked and all, well, I just don’t know what came over me. It’s your fault for giving her to me. She’s defective.” So God tells the snake that there’s no such thing as alternate truth. “You’re a liar and you’re gonna pay for it.” “And Eve, no more romping around naked in the garden. You’ve violated the terms of your lease. Out you go, and by the way, those games you and Adam have been playing since you found out you were naked? Guess what?  You’re gonna get fat and miserable and after a while, you’re going to have company. Another little Adam is going to pop out and it’s going to hurt like you wouldn’t believe. You’re going to have to feed it and take care of it. And that’s not all. He’s going to be a little hellion. Boy are you going to be sorry!” “Now, for you, Adam…how could you be so gullible? I give you all this cool stuff and there was only one catch. NO COOKIES! So what do you do? Head straight for the cookies. And then try to blame ME. Well, tell you what. You had a good gig going here for a while, but you had to go and ruin it. Okay, tell you what…from now on, well, first of all, I’m throwing you out of the garden. And there’s no more easy pickin’s. You’re on your own for food. Grow it yourself.” “And I’ll be keeping an eye on you. Don’t forget it.”

Now, go back to the beginning and you’ll see that Adam and Eve invented Steps 1-5. They couldn’t do step 6 because they didn’t have a family yet. Step 7 wasn’t possible because the printing press hadn’t been invented until much later. And Step 8 had to wait until they had somebody to talk to.  But the basics are all there, way back in the Garden and it’s still going on today, especially in Washington D.C.